We’d been trying to figure things out for 6 months, lots of fighting. I could never pinpoint the root of the problem and her answer to why she brings negativity, mistrust, lies, into the relationship was always “idk”. I pulled out the final card and we went to couples therapy together.

While filling out the forms, I didn’t realize the list of things that can really fuck up your head falls into only ~10 categories. I circled them all and said none… Stephanie filled out responses for a lot of them. I already know about all Stephanie’s issues but didn’t realize they were almost comprehensive. I assumed without basis that the list was longer? It was a surprise.

After filling out our forms, talked to the therapist, Jan, for an hour. About 20 min in to it Jan dropped the “Stephanie, you have to deal with your problems before we can do anything about the relationship.” Diagnosed Stephanie with PTSD from her upbringing and then told me that none of the problems that the relationship had were actually mine to fix and that they were all simply a reaction that Stephanie’s grown accustomed to. There’s no way that I can comprehend and make sense of what is actually going on, without professional guidance, because I’ve got no real issues. Shit just won’t make sense.

On the base line, the problems in our relationship came from Stephanie’s past. When you grow up and everything is crap then your default is to push it away. So, her default has been to push it away, good or bad. She doesn’t have experience putting in the effort that it takes to keep something that’s good… all she knows is doing the minimum that makes things go away.

I wanted to work through it with her but it was really apparent that even after learning the root of the problems, knowing that the problems are there, that she couldn’t manifest any type of minimal support construct for me to work in. 3 days later she’d gone back to doing crappy relationship damaging things. Then I realized that there’s no way she can figure it out if she’s doing it for “us”. So… I ended it. We ended it.

We packed up her stuff. She’s back in San Antonio with her witch of a mother trying to save up money so she can get away from that bad situation and come back to Austin some day soon. While she’s out there she’s going to continue working on herself with a therapist to help understand her issues that she’s been repressing so they don’t effect her in her daily life like they do now.

And… I’m single :) I think I’m recovering faster than “normal” from it because I had a professional opinion confirm for me that I’ve done nothing wrong.

Not sure about being done for good. I love her a lot and the reasons for this split don’t actually concern “us” on a root level. But… there are some problems that you’re just not going to fix and life is too short for it so I’m feeling much more on the side of it’s done for good, right now.